Durante uno di questi incontri, l'ultimo di essi tenuto a casa mia per la precisione, c'e' stata una conversazione che chissa' perche' e' arrivata a toccare il matrimonio. Per intenderci la conversazione del "se vuoi ti trombo, ma non ti sposo". Fra insinuazioni scherzose e recriminazione falsamente scherzose sul fatto che non mi posso sposare (effettivamente sono tutt'ora legalmente sposato), in modo che non mi ricordo la conversazione e' scivolata sull'uso del bagno e in particolare della tazza.
"A me basta che la tavoletta sia abbassata!" ha detto una delle ragazze (quella che si lamentava del fatto che sono gia' sposato).
"Ma intendi la tavoletta o la ciambella?" chiedo io.
"Della ciambella mi importa poco. Perche', scusate tanto, io non mi siedo per fare pipi'!"
L'ho guardata esterrefatto. Alle manie igieniche c'e' un limite! E io che ti ho pure scopata... Meno male abbiamo usato il preservativo, altrimenti chissa' cosa mi avresti attaccato.
Non l'ho detto, ma avrei dovuto.
Before quitting London I hosted some parties and meals, mostly at my home, to bid farewell to my acquaintances. Partly for a personal wish to end some disputes, partly for a third party request, I invited also some girls who I had banned from my home. The merit of such a ban was depending on the situation and on my mood on that time. Otherwise, I could afford to see them because there was no risk to meet again in the future. Not everybody grasped that concept and talks about coming on holiday at my place started. But later on I made sure for everybody which was the status, with the kindest thing I uttered being: "I'll rent a stilt house and reserve the ground floor for guests. Inflatable mattresses for all." I suppose the reference to the liberatory effect (for myself) of high tide is quite clear.
During one of these encounters, the last happened at my home exactly, we had a conversation which touched (I don't know why) the marriage. To make it clear, it was the conversation of "I can fuck you, but I will not marry you". From playfully innuendos to pretended jokingly recriminations about my impossibility to get married (actually because I'm still legally married), the chat drifted, I don't remember why or how, to the toilet's use and in particular of the bowl.
"To me, to find the lid closed is fine!" said one girl (the one complaining about my married status).
"Do you mean the lid or the seat?" I asked.
"I don't care about the seat. Pardon me, but I don't seat down when I wee!"
I stared at her shocked. There is a limit even to hygiene mania! And I fucked you... Luckily we use the condom or I don't know what I could get from you.
I didn't say it, but I ought to have said it.